They might but not as much as i thought. But you do have to understand that since I am crazy busy, if people want to jump in and help each other, then I dont need to always weigh in. The fourth time was a few weeks ago when I started having cold feet. But in heartbroken. I am very confused on how we got off track and all the way to this.. Like I stated before we been together for over 5 years almost a 2 year old son and now she tells me that she has not loved me before our child was born and I dont understand how we made it this far. Idk how to get her to do that? This is human nature though - we tend to value things once we REALLY realize that they can be taken away or gone at any time. please reply ASAP? But its very hard to get through the flagellation to get there. I been down this road before with my first marriage. During our arguments it takes drastic verbal damage for us to stop and realize. I was in love. But there has been a lot of good too. And we did and he told me his heart wasnt in the relationship with her and he made a bunch of stupid decisions but he loves me so much and hes so sorry and he was a huge mess and told me he had been for a long time. But I do not want him to touch me period. That is the Assertive part of my work with people. She said she was going to give me a chance to which I jumped at thee opportunity. And furthermore, if you could take him back then he should be mature enough to take you back. The way I used to treat him like a king. Whats your take on this? Partner two has either called, came over, text or emailed every day since. I have never wanted to fight for something more in my life as our relationship was close to perfect. Anything and everything sets us off to an unnecessary fight and argument these days. Despite this similarity, the two seem like polar opposites. What is the best method to figure out what I truly want in this crossroads so I dont toy with my significant others heart anymore then necessary. Researchers in Attachment Theory call this ambivalent or fearful attachment. When the cheating happened, I did not go out looking to cheat or meet someone else. She wants to speak with somebody like a family counselor. Now, I wont hear from him until almost the end of the day and thats it. I just dont get how shes so perfect and can make my husband fall in love with her giving her his all while leaving me on the back burner. Me and my ex were dating for about 5years and 3 months. It was our most violent fight. I was vulnerable I wanted to work things out and I almost felt at fault. She wants to know she can have fun with you especially if she is hard working woman during the day. He put his face into her neck & told her that he Really really loves her. Best of luck going forward! How can i handle this please any one any good advise or DR beb any suggestion is a way to put this relation back again. I am clean and sober again, but I have been very emotionally abusive (not intentionally) in the past. I had my son at 17 & the absentee father was a guy who I loved very much, had been together for 5 yrs and he left before I was even 3 mths pregnant. Now all his money just goes there and he gives me a little bit from each check. But before she passed out I asked who the heck was the guy?. I don't understand thought we were friends. But how do I reach him? He thinks there are more skeletons in my closet and that I didnt just make out with these guys. Inge van der Post Recommends: 1. WE literally had a wonderful six months before this one fight. I I had an affair with an old friend that lasted about 2 months but I stayed in contact with this person on a friendly basis. The third time we broke up I called him to see how serious he was about me and he said that he hadnt got over his issues and he placed a greater importance to school. I had been letting fear of a nonexistent condition I fabricated in my head rule my life. Im pretty young 23 and so is my boyfriend, well, ex. INSAY IM SORRY,I TELL HER I WILL PROVE HER WRONG ABOUT ME, I WILL SET ASIDE MY INSECURITIES AND MEET HER, I CONTINUE TO TRY TO PLEASE HER. Am I being to stuck up? I said no, I cant. Pictures everywhere. It is supposed to help you get those feelings back. It sounds also like you are blessed with a caring and loving husband. Incidentally, good Marriage & Family Therapists are skilled in working with both the individual and the couple. We hung out every other day since then. You can do it - you are already doing amazingly well. I love himI just dont want to hurt from the past or not trust a word he says but I do and it kills me everyday. Thats 45 minutes walk. Anyway, I would file an order on him and get him out my home. Half of me wants to leave and explore the world while Im still young in which I will only have the clothes on my back and no ties to anyone or anything in the present time..the other half is wanting to work things out and earn his trust that just may never come back, to brave the constant shame and disappointment from the world around me. When we first started dating there was an incident where the woman from the previous relationship he was in, was impregnated by him, and she coincidently found out in the beginning of our relationship. It hurt a lot but I listened and answered honestly any questions he wanted from me. I have treated the one person that I truly admire like crap for so many years. She also suffers from depression so I wonder if thats whats wrong? His friend has emotionally abused me and I dont understand why my partner cant consider this. We had a lot of fun and great moments spent together. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. Feel so lost. i was exhausted by the fact that nothing seemed to change no matter how much i tried and i had so much on my plate, i was emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. Which felt like my already broken heart had been shredded. Note that i do not call her. I pretty much ignored him for the whole night, and I danced with my male friend to make matters worse. But he made it all about him and so are you now, too. For an inexpensive solution, perhaps you would like to read my book which is available on Amazon The Healing Is Mutual. He didnt show it at the time but was discreetly trying to tell me that I needed to chill out. My husband & I worked at our own business together & I realized that he was distancing himself from our relationship more & more with each passing year. Simply walking off into the sunrise & never turning back. I have been with my guy for 3 years now.and I know that he really loves me.or atleast I know he did.but ever since he moved to a different city for college.I have been acting very needy which is unlike me.because I used to act very cool and he used to chase after me.like if he doesnt reply.then 5 out if ten times I call and ask why he hasnt and ugh I know how pathetic that is.I just want to know if you think I can redeem myself still and make him look at me in a new light? All our relationships are plagued with distance between us. I was like I need to see the progress since I paid for repairs and fixing. I dont think you can expect yourself to be able to be lighthearted about all of it when sex is with someone you love, much as you intended it at first. he said its not gonna work because his feelings have changed somewhat its not as strong as before. (BTW this guy is just as guilty because he knew she was not single). I have no desire to leave the relationship. So, if I was off once he got off work I expected hed spend time with me but no all he did was sleep all day until he had to wake up and go to work later that night. He would break up with me frequently out of nowhere but eventually hed always ask for me back always knowing I will. I considered that cheating on me as well. And it was an outlet for peace and not dealing with our issues. Be strong and know that relationships are a two way street not one sided. I ended up finding out that she was still cheating on me with her cheating lover even after our first confrontation. You want someone who wants you for the PERSON you are. I am also thinking that he and his parents are the only people who gave you love and care. When she came back she began talking about me staying behind to see through the short sale on our home and eventually joining her up north. This other lady is not an issue as she and I are friends and she js currently with her husband in another country. I asked why is that? She is beautiful, smart and just an amazing human being overall. I had shut myself off from dating for years, but he caught me by surprise, and before I knew it, I was in love. Ive been with my partner for just a year now. When you write down how it truly was, the process will liberate you to move on. In my search for answers/help I found your blog. Or if we should even have this time spent for ourselves in the first place. We broke up. That happens to be a bad idea but our society works that way. When he realized how i treated him he changed he sais he lost respect for me he heard rumors aboute cheating on him and makes everything worst he said he dosent want me anymore or ever want to be with me .. All he said is maybe with time , or maybe after you have the baby but i i dont know out relationshil was deel and we were very comfortable with eachother . This article focuses on two people who are genuinely in tune to each other. I feel cheated, but mostly I regret saying something I didnt mean. Your boyfriend will need some time to see what he wants. But Im having trouble getting the feelings back. I doubt that I shall ever learn to trust or respect this man again. So I didnt always enjoy it when it did happen. Any suggestions or ideas or advice is greatly appreciated. What am I doing wrong.? I realize I have questioned everything he does and turned around everything he said. She said yesterday give me space chris and Ill contact you when Im ready I made a simple reply by saying will do I promise I wanted to say I promise cause I not even going to be first to txt her or make any contact I I do promise and I hope that promise will also build that trust again but I know I have a lot of work to do. I know how terrible my behavior has been. In those moments we dont argue, just love and cherish each other and Im able to feel the enormous attraction, love and devotion he feels for me and I feel for him. What actions can we take to help him open up? Dr deb Another, which got so serious she stayed with her sister, for over a few months, so she could focus on a relationship with a guy that lived on the other side of the country. What should I do my parents are against him I cant live widout him n now he is moving away frm me . I dont like that. Many men are like that and it actually has more to do with their very early family experiences where men learn there is a terrible cost to showing vulnerable feelings than not caring. which he has acknowledged, he just says now that he can no longer ever love me again,but he loves me above everyone else in his life, and im beautiful and the perfect partner. Good luck! Well, you are right you did wrong. I asked same question at this time if she moved on? Eventually my husband walked into the office & put his hands on the back of the chair; leaned towards me & growled in a cold, hard voice that He had hated me his whole $*#@%@! Although I can tell she still is not in love with me, I can see little tiny improvements in our relationship. Is all hopeless? Your girlfriends friend is not the right person. I started to distrust my new partner and it snowballed. I have now distanced myself from him (something that he said he didnt want) and have realised i need help. I married a wonderful man who would have given me the world but unfortunately as soon as we married and came back from our honeymoon it seemed like night and day. The right person loves you for who you are including all the irritating things that will come to annoy him 20 years from now. I have stepped up to the plate,taking on more than my share of household responsibilities, provided lavish gifts and opened the line of communication because I am no longer blind to the fact and finally aware and want to make this work. I am happy for her and shes happy for me. And what can I do to make him trust me again? He has kids and I have a kid. Thats true love. I wasnt flirting, things from my side were completely platonic but soon he found out and when he confronted me about it I was so ashamed I lied. If so, then counseling to build up your self esteem and self love is in order. We have had minor breaks but have resolved them and have been together since. Do you think my husband is really in love with his co worker like he says meaning theres just no chance of our marriage ever getting better and us not getting divorced. Everytime we would argue he would threaten to leave, so he did one other time and I went to my ex boyfriend for someone to talk to. I have since apologized, and asked for her forgiveness, not asking for an answer, just wanting her to think about it. Has pushed me away and said he will never love me again. There are many reasons why we can't be with someone we love. She left me for a month and then came back, admitted she had been with someone else, and I didnt care. If hes not sure about her, he may abandon both of you anyway. From this, respect and trust begin to grow. We broke up afterward for 4 months, within those months we managed to talk, we ended up getting back together, we love eachother and it was one mistake that I will never do again. It seems like he doesnt love me anymore and that hes just not trying to save this relationship. Is it better to be unhappy and rich or happy and poor? Although she told me there are always bunch of people upstairs and the place is uncomfortable. What does it explain? started to disappear cause of the absence of my Have you noticed differences in his behavior from the first time around? If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. I know that we each individually have to work on ourselves and make progress but the way she is dealing with things right now I wonder if there is a future for us. Meeting my husband had set me in motion into becoming a independent, healthy individual after 10 years of neglecting myself. How can I prove to her that Im changing because I really am. What about the one who falls in love with someone who was dishonest in the beginning? Let me answer your last question first: is he going to marry her and live happily ever after no, he wont. IIve been in a relationship for 7 years . Ok its 3 years later we have been doing really well but he has changed again. He at first hid it for me for month and friends of our all knew about it and no one told me. Its almost as if Good and Bad is unclear in your mind and everything first looked good when it wasnt and now everything looks all bad when it may not be. When I started dating my girlfriend, she went back to her ex and they kissed. I confronted him, he was so remorseful that it happened. She came for one thing as usual MONEY. What I found most interesting about was u said was that I dont love his character? He also must feel unloved at the bottom of it all and it has nothing to do with you. We started off the relationship really happy with each other. Dr. Deb could you please help me out with my post from Sept 10! he tells me Im just being stupid and its just a film but I feel like if ur in a loving relationship there should be no need to feel like you need to look at anyone else sexualy. But ignoring what hed promised .. was the best he could offer. 14: Try going on a bike ride together Oh well. And he just doesnt trust me. I ABSOLUTELY think that its possible to fall in love with the same person again. Im still hurt and seeing him as a five year old boy, not a man. we are 9 months back together, he has taken 4 trips by himself with his cousins and friends, i found out he was doing cocaine with his aunt on my birthday and he recently went out and stayed who knows where because he did not come. 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